2005-05-13 - 1:02 p.m.

P is getting back tomorrow. He has been in London for the past two week. Two weeks is a long time for us to be apart. Especially since we work and live together. Two. Weeks. Is. Too. Much! There is a very good chance he won’t even make it through the doorway. I have hired some volunteers to stand by with sponges and cups of Gatorade. Don’t even think about calling because that phone will go unanswered all weekend and possibly into next week. I’m just saying.
I think this is the first time in a long time that New York is actually experiencing a spring season. The signs of spring are everywhere, tulips in the park, flowering trees, fat girls in belly shirts and of course guys in wife beaters without deodorant. I rode home on the subway yesterday with a man that actually had green wavy stink lines emanating from his pits. The odd thing was he was carrying a Versace garment bag. For the love of fashion I hope that man tended to his pits before he put that on otherwise it will be ruined forever. Seriously though how can you go through the day smelling so bad that it could literally peel wallpaper? If I stink I am pretty much the first one to notice and remedy the situation tout de suit! Yet there are people, and for some reason always on the train with their armpit in my face, that just don’t go in for such newfangled technology. In fact, I know one guy that refuses to wear deodorant because he thinks it interferes with his natural pheromones and ability to pick up chicks. He will take four showers a day to keep the stench at bay, but when it is 99 degrees outside with four million percent humidity unless you stay in that shower all day there is a line where the pheromones go from sexy to funky. I’m just saying. Maybe I should start a PSA. I could start it at the kindergarten level… a cartoon roll-on named Freshy and his slogan would be, “Deodorant is your friend!” we could work it up to the middle schools with pictures of teens putting on their deodorant, “All the cool kids are doing it!” hopefully this will instill good hygiene habits from youth. Kind of like how the government is now all up in little kids worlds about eating healthier. It’s a grass roots effort people; I didn’t say it was going to be easy.

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