2005-05-03 - 12:00 p.m.

The dreams have started. The anxiety dreams that one starts to have before a big event, you know the ones where nothing is ready and you can’t fix it. Last night I dreamt that the day before my wedding I had no church, no one to marry us and my dress looked like flannel jammies. Oh, and I had totally forgotten to get rings for us. Which really is not far off from the truth. As you all know we had chosen a church that we wanted to get married in but we had to become members. Hey, no problem. We turn up once a week and all is good. Yesterday the church called me to discuss the particulars. They want $5000 for the space, $400 for an organist, $300 for the Reverend and another $300 if we want a soloist. And to top it all off she said it with a straight face! “You do know that is insane don’t you?” “Ha-ha, well…” “No seriously, that is insane. Do people actually pay that or am I now suppose to negotiate with you?” “Well we do it because we have found people were giving the church $300 then spending $200,000 on their wedding” “Let me break it down to you. Our whole budget is $20,000… you do realize that typically the church is 3% of the total budget?” “Well, then we require 10% of the total budget and we will need to see your receipts.” Yes, you read that right. They want to audit us to make sure that they are getting as much money as humanly possible out of us. Unfuckingbelievable. P is in London this week so when I phoned him to tell him the status he was gob smacked. “$400 for an organist? What are they digging up Liberace or something?” The thing that chaps my ass is that they have the gall to ask for a huge pile of cash then want more for the extras. For $5000 they should come to my house, wake me up with a string quartet, serve me a three course breakfast, do my hair, makeup, give me a pedicure, send a car to pick my dad and I up, marry us and pay our children’s college tuition. I am not that up on the bible… but isn’t rape a pretty big sin? I’m just saying.

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