2005-04-07 - 11:33 a.m.

Now I will be one to admit that sometimes I embellish to make a story funnier. However what you are about to read is true, every word of it. So gather round now and let me tell you about the time that P and I went to the crazy church.
After last week’s foray into religion P and I thought we should check out a couple of churches to see if there was one that we liked better. I found one that was very close to our apartment so we decided to check it out last Sunday. We also decided that we would attend the 6 PM service because there was a much better chance that we would be awake and dressed.
We knew nothing about this church as we had only seen it from the outside. However, on the website the 6PM service was listed as “informal” which usually means no singing (I am sorry but unless it’s Christmas I hate singing in church) and you get in and out in 30 minutes or less. The service was not to be held in the main church (which is gorgeous by the way) but in the auditorium.
When I was growing up, the church we attended rented out the space on Sunday evenings to the “Church of the Covenant”. This was one of those Pentecostal churches where people spoke in tongues and used tambourines. As kids we used to sneak up to the balcony to watch them because… hey other people’s traditions are funny! There was dancing in the aisles and people fainting after being “touched by the Lord” or whatever. So when I opened the door to the auditorium it was like opening the door to the past and I had walked in on the Church of the Covenant.
A quick glance around the room caused me to ask if we were in the right place (I was told it was the fun service). It looked more like a potluck supper than a church service. There were folding chairs set up and the alter was an old office desk with a couple of grotty candles sitting on it. In the corner an 8 piece band was tuning up. The usher handed me a bulletin and a hymnal.* We took our seats and waited for the fun to begin.
From the second we sat down I knew this was a mistake. The congregation was a combination of aging hippies, white trash and extremely old people all of which were very touchy feely. The Paul Schaffer band started playing some Christian rock power ballad and everyone started singing. There were people swaying back and forth, bopping up and down and one woman with arms up and eyes closed just taking it all in. During the offering they played a song that everyone clapped along to in an “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” kind of way. At that point I could not make eye contact with P or I would just bust out laughing. The thing was, for as hokey as I thought it was, these people were really into it and totally digging it. To each his own I guess but I think P and I like our religion a little more traditional.
When we walked out P was very vocal about how there was no way we were getting married there! He had a feeling that this was the kind of church that the whole congregation would turn up for your wedding and be all happy clappy. P had visions of “lesbians in furry jumpers” congratulating our parents on this magic day and whatnot.

*If by hymnal you mean no song written before 1997, ok it’s a hymnal.

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