2005-02-23 - 2:41 p.m.

Headline (found on Yahoo News) - Sri Lanka Tsunami suffering may inspire Sting song… or it may not, you will have to buy his new CD to find out.

Ah this weekend was a wedding planning frenzy. My sister came in to get my ass in gear and all I can say is mission accomplished. I found my dress, photographer and possibly a florist. Now I am having mild panic attacks about how much money this is going to cost. In two months time you will find me in a corner rocking back and forth in the fetal position mumbling about my dwindling bank account.
There is a website called theknot.com, this site contains all you could ever want to know about weddings. But the real bonus part is the chat room. You can post questions about all and sundry and one of the “knotties” will come to your rescue. They are the other brides to be that hand out suggestions for florist, venues, and photographers. They also offer support to those that are stressed out and falling apart. It’s like being in an online sorority. Sadly, I have to confess to you, my loyal readers, that I have been secretly reading these like nobody’s business. This has become such a source of entertainment that I find myself refreshing the screen every few seconds to see who else is having mother-in-law problems, hair and makeup issues and how their fiancé is just not helping enough. I mean one girl cannot be expected to coordinate the releasing of butterflies, organizing the gospel choir, licking the envelopes, and hiring the Cinderella carriage WITHOUT SOME GODDAMN HELP!
Here is an example of a post:
“From XXX
Has your FI finished rehab yet? I know that heroine(sic) can be a real bad one to kick, but I was hoping he'd be finished in time for your wedding. How much longer does he have?”
“From YYY
I think he's ok, but he keeps trying to tell me that they prescribed weed for his withdrawal symptoms. *sigh* I wouldn't mind it so much if he stopped showing up at my job high at lunch and carrying 3 boxes of Popeye’s chicken.”
Sigh. I wish I made that up, but sadly it really was on the site, I just changed the names to protect the stupid.

You would not believe some of the stuff these women are doing for their weddings. There is one girl that is renting children to be her ring bearer and flower girl. RENTING CHILDREN PEOPLE! I have some concerns about this Bride to be’s mental capacity; I think she has lost the plot a bit. While it may be cute to have little kids coming down the aisle in formal wear, they are in fact, children. Children have a tendency to get performance anxiety when faced with 200 people staring at them and taking pictures. If you can get them to go down the aisle, they are usually crying or trying to crawl into the pew with their parents.
My second concern is what kind of parents rent their children out for weddings and bar mitzvahs? Does William Morris have a division for this? Are they thinking that they will be discovered and put directly into print ads and movies? This is like someone in porn saying they hope to use it as a stepping stone to legitimate movies.
Weddings have gone completely out of control. Gone are the days where you got married in your church and had your reception in the local VFW hall. Now it all has to be bigger and better than the last wedding you attended. There are brides that are keeping all the details of their weddings a secret so no one else can steal their ideas. Going through theknot.com I have found people that are having ice sculptures carved to look like them, chocolate fountains, fireworks, special drinks invented for them, whole spaces gutted so they can recreate some movie set that both of them loved and $25,000 dresses! All I have to say is this, “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?” I am not trying to be funny asking that. Are these people insane? To me the wedding is just what you have to go through to marry the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with; the wedding isn’t the important part… the marriage is. Unfortunately for a lot of these women the wedding is all they can think about, their whole lives are wrapped up in whether their colors should be blush and bashful or lavender and lilac. They are so caught up in the details of “my day, my special day!” that after the honeymoon they sink into a depression. There is actually a chat room for those suffering from wedding withdrawal. This to me sounds like they just wanted to plan a wedding and the groom could have been anyone. I feel bad for the guy they married and I hope for his sake they SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT! Because really, you got what you wanted so shut up already.
Ok, that was totally not what I was going to talk about today. I guess I got off on a bit of a rant. I was, however, going to tell the story of my dress. But that will have to wait for another day.

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