2005-01-06 - 1:55 p.m.

So as promised, I am back to my frequent updates. Even though I do not believe in New Year’s resolutions, I gentle readers, will make an effort to tell you all the juicy tidbits of libbyfish life.
As you may recall, I was in Michigan over Christmas. Have you ever heard the phrase; “You can’t go back home”? I have found that it is true. Every time I head back there it is just so weird to me. Everything has changed on the surface, yet NOTHING has changed. The guys still wear backward baseball caps (I am convinced this is why they are bald), hockey jerseys, and THEY ALL HAVE GOATEES! Didn’t facial hair go out with Y2K? I know, I am being judgmental… but I just hate goatees (and those weird little tufts of hair directly under their lips that look like a piece of stray Velcro). * I like to think of goatees as the mullets of the new millennium. Mmm, mullets.
*Ok, if you want to be technical, the little tufts are actually a goatee and the hair all around the mouth is a van dyke. God, you guys are so serious!

Ok, enough about that. Sorry, I just cannot get the image of a thousand goatees walking at me in the mall. Everyone looked the same, I felt like John Malkovich after he slipped into the hole in the wall.

It’s that special time of year again… you know, the Victoria’s Secret Semi Annual sale. The marketing team behind this sale are genius, all they have to do is mark down the crap that no one wanted, market the shit out it and they have just guaranteed that women from all over will be waiting at the door when it opens. That is what Victoria's Secret is... sell the crap cheap.
Normally I am not a huge fan of Victoria’s Secret. I just do not see the point in paying $100 on underwear unless I am performing in the semi annual amateur striptease competition. But I will admit I bought into it this year because I am in desperate need for some underwear. My mom didn’t give my sister and I the usual “Christmas ‘wears” so I must go out and buy my own… like a grown up. The sale started at 9 AM on Monday and since I had the day off, I thought I would wander down to the store near my apartment and pick some up. I was not prepared for the teeming masses that had turned up for this. Grown women snatching bras out of each other’s hands, digging through a bins marked 32A looking for a mislaid 38DD, all to save about $5. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a deal as much as the next woman, in fact my mom was trained by the military to hunt down bargains and has passed her knowledge on to her children, but these items were not worth the trouble. In the underwear bin I picked up a thong, at least that is what I think it was supposed to be, that instead of a piece of fabric to rest between one’s butt cheeks… there was a strand of pearls (fake of course). A STRAND OF PEARLS PEOPLE! Now, I am a big fan of the thong, the way I see it is you spend half your life trying to get your underwear out of your butt… just stick it in there intentionally and you just saved yourself two hours of the day where you can get important stuff done. However, PEARLS? Wouldn’t that chafe or cause you to walk funny? I am sure it is meant to be sexy (and not worn for long) but if I trotted out in a pair of those… P would laugh his ass off and never let me live it down. But wait, there’s more they also had some that were embellished with feathers, beads, rhinestones and I am not kidding here, macaroni noodles. Ok, I made that one up, but just wait until the spring “Italia Angels” collection is out I bet there is some semolina product all up in there.
Well, my dreams of having my own cooking show have been dashed. They have chosen their five semi finalists and libbyfish was not among them. Ah well, I threw my hat in the ring at least. I guess I will have to get my own show the old-fashioned way and sleep with a producer. I did think it might be funny to just start sending them a tape of me cooking dinner everyday. Tonight we will be having a lovely pan seared tuna steak with sesame seed peapods. Tune in tomorrow for when I make turkey chili.
See you next time on Stick a Fork in it!

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