2004-12-13 - 3:27 p.m.

I hate the post office. If I die and go to hell I know that is where I will be for all eternity. I will be next in line and there will be a whole host of people that keep cutting in front because they were sent to the side to fill out the appropriate form. Thirty minutes I had to stand in line to overnight my food TV video. I know, I know, libbyfish? Are you just now getting around to that? You do know it is has to be there by December 15th, right? Yes, I do and I was going to Fed Ex it but they won’t deliver to a PO Box and when I sorted that out the post office was closed. So I had to go to the !@#$% post office today.
My old boyfriend worked for VH-1 in the online radio department. He used to produce band interviews and in studio “concerts” for them and ended up with band swag. Usually they got T-shirts or CDs, but once (and I cannot remember the band) they were giving out bottles of black nail polish with the band’s name on it. Anyway, he always took this shit home. There were piles of it everywhere and I sort of had a meltdown. I cannot stand clutter and he was the ultimate pack rat. I told him that there was no reason he could give me that was good enough that we NEEDED to have 23 Vertical Horizon t-shirts. JUST NO REASON! So he came up with the brilliant idea of selling all this shit on Ebay.
It started out simple enough. He sold all the CDs and surprisingly all the Vertical Horizon t-shirts. I was amazed I didn’t think there were 23 Vertical Horizon fans. When he got laid off and the band swag dried up he took matters into his own hands. He would search online for cheap shit, buy it, and then sell it on Ebay for a profit. At the end of snowboard season, he would buy all sorts of shit really cheap, then at the beginning of the next snowboard season, he would sell all the cheap shit he bought for double.
It was actually pretty smart, but as I said, I cannot stand clutter and all the shit was starting to encroach into my living space. I told him he had to find somewhere else to keep it. This is where it gets scary. He started driving ten hours, yes TEN HOURS, back to his mom’s house in Michigan to store it there. Then when he wanted to post it, he would drive back and get it. This was his job. Since he was getting severance he had no sense of urgency to get a real job, he just scoured the web looking for deals and when I freaked out about how much shit there was in the apartment he would pack up the car and drive ten hours, yes TEN HOURS, to store it somewhere else. I started referring to it as joebay.
You might all be wondering where I was going with this story, well, because of all this selling, he had to go to the post office almost everyday to ship his shit. Sometimes I would have to help him ship his shit. The post office near our apartment was in Chinatown. Every time, I mean EVERY TIME, I went there were at least three people in front of me trying to send a package the size of a Mini Cooper to somewhere in China. It was always some jacked up box that had probably made the trip back and forth six times, the paperwork was never filled out correctly and they never had the correct address. While I hated going to the one in Chinatown, today’s adventure was worse, apparently today is the last day where you can guarantee delivery by Christmas. So everyone in the city of New York was in there to post something. But enough about the post office.
How much did I love VH-1 on Saturday? What are you talking about libbyfish? Ok, I admit it my guilty pleasure is America’s Next Top Model. So how happy was I when I saw that VH-1 was doing an ANTM marathon? I swear, I got up and did the Macarena.
I haven’t been as fastidious this season with my watching so I was all about the catch up. P thinks it is the worst show on television. What does he know? He doesn’t like Law and Order either. But I sat and watched at least 5 episodes. Yes, five hours of my life were spent watching Miz Banks say “I have (insert number here) beautiful girls before me, but only (insert number here) photos in my hand. The first name I am going to call is (insert pregnant pause here) Amanda.”
I have watched the first two seasons with much interest, but I have to confess, none of these girls do it for me. In the past I have prided myself on being able to choose the top three after watching the first episode of the season. But after watching this season, I am at a loss; I don’t like any of them. There I said it, I feel better now. I need a nap.

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