2004-10-12 - 12:53 p.m.

This weekend was crazy. Actually it was Friday that did me in but Saturday a close second. P had some friends in from out of town so we had to entertain, which means we were in rock star mode. P’s friend and I thought three bottles of wine between the two of us was a really good idea. His girlfriend thought four cosmos was an even better one. I went from zero to drunk in sixty seconds. The kind of drunk where you are absolutely fine, you take another sip and all of a sudden you are a big ol’ mess. P poured me into a cab and got me home. Apparently, when I got out of the cab I kept doing the drunken circle walk around him while he was trying to hold me up. The outside seating of the pub on the corner gave me a standing ovation when I was finally able to walk in a straight line down our street. Yeah, cheers, thanks for that.
Saturday was meant to be low key during the day then having friends over for dinner around 7. That was basically shot when they showed up at 10 AM to watch a football match on pay-per-view. The boys started in on the beer to head the hangover off at the pass. But by 10:30 they had run out and asked if I would mind going to pick up some more. I walk into the bodega and grab a six-pack but quickly think I should get some other stuff so it doesn’t look like I need a six-pack to make it through the morning. I had a really random selection… the six pack, potato chips, two liter of seltzer and a cantaloupe.
The rest of the day was spent shopping. By the time I got around to making dinner, I wasn’t sure I would be able to keep my eyes open. We had a great meal and some great wine and thank God they left at 10! I did a face plant at 10:30 and did not move until the next morning.
Needless to say, Sunday we were in the, “let’s not do anything but lay around and eat comfort food”, kind of mood. P went to the store and picked up the required ingredients I needed to make us a huge pot of corn chowder. Whenever I make soup, I don’t follow a recipe. I have the basics in my head and just vary accordingly. I decided that in our lethargic state a thick and creamy soup was the order of the day. The potatoes were all chopped nicely as were the onions and celery, I had added the chicken stock and all the spices and was just letting it reduce down before I added some cream. I thought I would hurry the situation along a bit by adding just a bit of flour. Ten minutes later I come back, have a taste to check the seasoning and have another to make sure… perfect. I added just a bit more flour and was stirring away when I noticed something that did not look like any of the produce that I had lovingly chopped and placed in the pot. I get my spoon and scoop out… ANOTHER MAGGOT!
Jesus tap dancing Christ! Where are they coming from? And why are they in my food all of a sudden? I yell out to P, “Houston, we have a problem!” He comes in, I explain the situation and for a brief second I know he was thinking, “So?” I can’t fault him for that because for a brief moment I was thinking the same thing. Then I pulled out another one that had floated to the surface. It had to go. P was starving by now and started cursing my bug spotting eyesight, “If you hadn’t spotted them, we could be eating right now.” Hey, dig in, it’s all yours.
I started going through all the possibilities of where they could have come from. Did I just not notice them when I was cutting up the vegetables? Maybe they had gotten into the chicken stock? Then I get the flour out and sprinkle some into the sink, four maggots flop into the drain. Mystery solved. I turned into Mommy Dearest and started throwing everything that had come from P’s and my former apartments into the bin. It was like Outbreak only I didn’t have a bio suit. Pancake mix, pasta, cake mix, and the flour; essentially anything that could have been contaminated went in what became known as the biohazard bag. Then of course I had to wash everything in scalding hot, soapy water.
Here’s the kicker though… before I noticed them, I had been tasting it the whole time. Yeah, I KNOW!
Next week on Fear Factor… Libbyfish will eat a live mouse!

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