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2004-10-07 - 12:23 p.m. Since moving into the apartment we have gotten several phone calls wanting McDonald’s delivery. The other day I noticed that their number is one off from ours so it all makes sense now. But it is irritating when someone wants flapjacks and a hash brown at 7AM on a Saturday. We are thinking of changing our answering machine message to something like, “If you want a value meal press one. If you want to super size it press two…” Yeah, we need to get out more. I hate those headbands that white trashy people put on their baby’s heads to let everyone know that it’s a girl. There was a baby on the subway that had one and she kept trying to pull it off (I wanted to help her get it off) and her mom would slap her hand and straighten it. I wanted to slap the mother for putting that thing on her head in the first place. Are we to assume that the entire population is that of slack jawed yokels that cannot tell a boy from a girl? Usually the dress and tights with the frilly butt are a dead give away. I hope these children do not end up suffering deformities like peanut shaped heads from the lack of circulation. That would be an interesting support group later in life. I have got to stop drinking so much. I was looking at myself in the mirror today and I look like Dorothy Parker after a three-week bender. I feel like JFK Jr… I just can’t pass the bar! –rim shot- I got a million of ‘em baby! I love subway musicians. I haven’t seen any good ones in a while though. But when I lived in Queens, P and I would routinely see a guy that P calls THE COUNT. He is blind and he plays the accordion (and that isn’t even the funny part). He will shuffle into the car with his Seeing Eye stick and his accordion around his neck and start playing the theme from The Godfather. After his song he will say (in a voice like the count on Sesame Street- hence the name), “Ladies and Gentleman, donaaaatioooons aaare greaaaaaatly appreeeeeeciaaaated.” Then he shuffles through the car thrusting his bag for you to put money into. I always gave him money so I could say in my head… von, von dime ah ah ah! Where I am going with this is… the other day P was on the train and a blind guy playing The Godfather theme with a violin was on his train and he said the exact same thing in the EXACT SAME WAY. How cool is that? These guys have got to meet. What are the odds? I really want to get a job as an MSN butterfly. That would be great. I could put my know it all attitude to work and get to wear wings. I want to be libbyfish… WITH WINGS!
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