2004-09-22 - 1:06 p.m.

Libbyfish has been busy at work so I apologize to the five regular readers for my lack of updates. September is the start of a very busy conference season. I will be crawling out of bed at ungodly hours for the pleasure of making small talk with my clients over vast amounts of pastries and watery coffee. We do a lot of conferences throughout the year and no matter where the event is held there is always the same selection for breakfast. Heart attack inducing pastries, bagels and melon… if the place is swanky, maybe some yogurt. There must be a distributor for such items. Conference Chow, for all your continental breakfast needs. I should weigh about 300 pounds from all that junk because it doesn’t matter that you aren’t hungry, you eat out of sheer boredom. I could go my whole life and never have another cookie but when at a conference, I have to have three, of each kind. Bleh.

I have also been consumed with the horrors of packing. How did I collect so much stuff in only two years time?? I have thrown stuff away that I don’t even remember buying. I have cleaned out the closets and put clothes in bags meant for goodwill… now I just have to find good will places that will take them. I had some old suits that I thought I would donate to Dress for Success. It is a great women’s charity that will give a woman a suit to go on an interview then gives her another one when she gets a job. I go to the website to find what the protocol is and apparently, the suits cannot be more than 5 years old, must be tasteful, and dry cleaned before you donate them. THIS IS CHARITY, DAMMIT, YOU CANNOT BE THAT PICKY… I am not paying $10 a piece to have them cleaned then give them away. Cheeky bastards! So if anyone knows of a place that you can donate your clothes in New York, let me know. Extra points if they will come and get them.

This morning on the subway I saw some full on slapstick. I had to transfer trains to get across town to the hotel where the conference is being held. The train is packed and my first question is where the hell are all these people going at 7AM? But back to our regularly scheduled program… I get on the train and this girl is behind me just pushing and pushing to get on. “Stand clear of the closing doors”, but the doors don’t close. Just as pushy girl pokes her head out to see what is holding up the works they start to close and bang her right in the head and knock her out of the train… except for her left foot which is encased in a flip flop. She is standing outside the train hopping on one foot trying to wedge the doors open while simultaneously trying to drag her foot out. She pulls her foot out but her flip-flop has to get to work and stays on the train. Trying to be nice I pick it up and hand it to her as the door opens a crack and my reward is the door slamming shut on my arm. Some guy had to pry the doors apart so I get it back in. They really should change the announcement to, “stand clear of the closing doors and be sure to keep all hands and feet in the car at all times.”

I need a nap.

previous - next