2004-09-14 - 4:50 p.m.

The other night a lengthy discussion about hot Carl ensued. For those of you not in the know, it is when you are shat upon (or shit upon) during sex… not to be confused with the golden shower. Anyway, the question was… do people really enjoy this? Is this the only way they can get busy? How did they know this was their thing? Is it a learned or innate behavior? I am stymied.

I have conducted my own poll on this topic, when asked if one enjoys a little ass chocolate while gettting their swerve on… the answer has been a resounding no. Although I do suspect one of them was lying, I am talking to you ***** (you know who you are).

I think that hot Carl sounds like a TV show. Watch Hot Carl in Charge this fall on NBC right after Joey. This week on the pilot of Hot Carl in Charge, the Walkers will learn of Carl’s perversion of pooping on his girlfriend. Mom, of course, will be crying, “I just always assumed he was eating a chocolate in bed, please explain this to me. Is it something we did?” Afterward the actor that plays Carl would be sitting on set to give a special message. “Nearly 20 people every year are diagnosed with hot Carl addictions. If you or someone you love is suspected of being a sexual deviant, you can call this toll free number of the support group hot Carl cares.” Of course the spin off would be golden shower girls. Ok, that was too easy.

But on to other things. I am moving back into the city. WOO HOO. Like the Jeffersons before me I am moving out of Queens on up to the East side, but I don’t have a dry cleaner so there goes that comparison. When I moved to New York I lived in the now oh so trendy Lower East Side. When I moved there it was far from trendy but it was cheap. Back then you only went to LES if you wanted drugs, or an after hours club. I used to have to kick junkies out of my doorway to get in my building. Well, junkies and the inhabitants of the barber shop next door… but that is a story for another time. Due to roommate circumstances, I had to move out. I refused to pay a broker so I ended up in Queens. While my apartment is fantastic, Queens is not. Sorry residents, but there is fuck all to do there unless you are into Greek food and Greek men in shiny shirts. Needless to say I am so happy to get the hell out. I have hired movers again and I hope they are better than the ones I hired last time. I just went through the phone book and they were the only company that could move me on the day I had to move. Unbeknownst to me I had hired the Nation of Islam. They hated me and I am pretty sure they called a Jihad on me.

Sorry, not inspired to write anything else…

Aaaannnnnnd fade to black.

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