2004-09-07 - 2:46 p.m.

I am just not inspired today. After a long weekend of excess I am just finding it hard to keep my mind on anything. I need a Ritalin smoothie. Friday night was a blur of beer and karaoke. I got home sometime around 3. On Sunday night E came by for dinner. Usually when E and I get together we drink wine, and lots of it. Unfortunately, you cannot purchase wine in New York on Sundays, but lucky for us I had the makings of Cosmos in my freezer. A quote heard once about martinis: martinis are like women’s boobs, one is not enough and three is too many. Four cosmos each later the wigs came out, Patsy Cline was sung and more alcohol was needed. We did what any rock star would do we went to the bar. When Monday morning came and I looked like Keith Richards after a four-day bender… I knew we had done it up right. Even though there was a Law & Order marathon on, I knew I would feel better if I got out of the house. I made E get up and dragged her to Target.

There are few things that make me cringe more than when people pronounce Target, Tar-jay. I seriously hate that. I do however love to shop at Target (notice the hard G); there is something magical about carrying a 24 pack of Target brand toilet paper on the subway. Since it is accessible by mass transit, you can usually find the dregs of humanity amongst the bargains; I realize this includes me, but at least I have all my teeth. I have very little patience for stupid people; this is a trait that has been handed down from my father. I literally almost mowed down a dozen people for stopping right in front of me then staring out into space. Probably trying to remember not to drool. Target should have a child protective services office. There were screaming kids everywhere, their teenage mothers alternating between talking on their mobile phones and screaming back at them. I saw a woman go crazy on one of her kids after he hit the other one. She started smacking him while yelling, “don’t hit, DON’T HIT.” A valuable lesson was learned that day, don’t you think?

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